This situation happened so frequently to me that I could not even count the number of times I told that to someone…
It generally starts like that:
Cyprien, you know a lot about FEA analysis, how do you know so much about it? Any advice for me?
Then, this is what I think immediately: Great! This guy is interested to learn the same thing than me, I took me years to achieve, but if I tell him that, he will be discouraged and he will not do it… at least I can tell him where to start by giving him the best book I know about the topic. By reading it, he will definitely understand and succeed, I am sure.
Therefore, this is what I tell him:
You know Mike, the best book I read about this is XX, I am sure that by reading it, you’ll get a great understanding of the topic and you will succeed. This is how I did, because there is no other solution!
Now have you thought about what Mike will think when I told him that??
Argg…I knew it, Cyprien just don’t want to share with me so he wants to get rid of me by giving me this Book… I really have to find everything by myself… cannot count on Cyprien
Did you realized what happened here?
I was actually open to share with him the greatest tips in the world, which is reading this book, but Mike will finally not read it because he is thinking I want to keep what I know for myself…when it wasn’t even the case…poor me
What is happening is a problem of Trust.
But even if you tell the same thing to someone to trust you, it may happen exactly the same thing, but the reason will be different:
When you give a book to someone, this person first look at the size of the book and calculate in his head how much time it will take to read the book. After that, he gets afraid to have to invest such amount of time and he just does not read it.
So what happens is that I wanted to help someone by giving him a book, but finally nothing happens because I wasn’t able to teach mike about the importance of reading books and finally Mike will stay the same and will never read the book.
The thing many people don’t understand is that all the book are not the same. Some of them have very valuable knowledge in it, while others are just a copy of other books. The person who read many books knows that the first step is to find the right book before actually reading it, otherwise it is just a loss of time and resources and people know that.
If you find THE book, just read this only book and forget about the others. Read it as slowly as possible to be sure to extract all the best info in it and do not read it quickly just to feel the achievement to have finished something. What is the value of a book that you finish quickly and then forget immediately after? Nothing… not reading it is even better.
How can I do things differently to make Mike aware that I really want to help him?
First, you should know that most of the people are only asking about something to you because they are thinking you were able to solve everything simply with some kind of Magic trick and they want to do the same.
They want to get the result, but without putting the effort on it and without going through the long process I went through myself.
So first thing you must do is to spot the real intention of the person: Is this person REALLY interested to learn to the point to invest themselves and start the same long road you have been going through? Or is this person simply asking by pure curiosity because the want the magical trick?
How to handle the guys only interested by the quick magic trick?
Answer is very simple: Ignore them, because those guys are only focused onto themselves and they will never listen to you whatever you say!
If they are interested, then ask them first to confirm their motivations and goals to learn by doing some research by themselves first before asking you. Knowing your goal and where you want to get is the most important factor that will sustain a long, durable motivation and trust into your own capacities.
No one wants to put up the work first, without knowing what will be their reward once they will have reached the goal.
Putting some work by yourself by understanding what you are doing and why you are doing it is the key.
Just give him the two most interesting pages that he wants to know in the book.
Then tell him:
You know, there are plenty of other things in this book, but I guess you will never know if you don’t read the book…I am open to share, but only if you
And you, what are you thinking when someone tells you to read a book?
Let me know in the comments, I am interested to know!
GET THE FREE GUIDE
24 Links and Articles to know about Pressure Vessel Design and Simulation